Illustration and logo concept with bottle mockup.
After the incredible success of the mythical spirits, Unicorn Tears Gin and Phoenix Tears Rum, the marketing team at 31Dover.com and I thought that we'd try our hands at capturing the essence of another, far more legendary creature. Chuck Norris.
Product description by Marc Sanders
Sorry to say, we don't have any tears yet... and we wouldn't hold out hope for any either. Obviously.
Why? Well, for those uneducated in the man, the myth, the legend that is Chuck Norris, you may be surprised to hear that he never cries. But before you inundate us with ridiculous statements like "that's impossible!", please let us explain... it all makes perfect sense. Tears simply just aren't for Chuck Norris, they're exclusively for his enemies! After all, he invented them so that we (you and me) have more ways to express the fear of facing him in combat.
Yes, you may have seen Chuck Norris crying in a film (stunt double), or may want to test his metal with an onion cutting challenge (FYI: it's the onions that cry) but we can honestly say that you won't see a single tear leave his magnificent eyes. In fact, as far as we know, Chuck Norris has only ever cried once - and those manly tears went on to create the world's rivers and oceans. True fact.
IF Chuck Norris did cry, however, we're sure that the tears would be the finest, smoothest bourbon in the universe, be a vibrant red, white and blue, and taste like freedom. Drinking the magical liquid would also most likely grow you an extremely luscious beard (on the spot, no less) and teach you the secret art of the round-house kick.
But until we find out for certain... we'll just focus on the bottle.